Carson's Ponderings
by Hughson74
Summary: A short story on Carson's thoughts on the morning of his wedding just after Mr Mosley pins the flower on his jacket. Reviews welcome, thank you..
Ushers indeed! Elsie hadn't mentioned anything about ushers and she new everything, well just about anything. Carson gave a growl as Mosley tried quickly to adjust the boutonniere on his jacket. Mosley gave a satisfactory nod to himself and looked to Carson who eyebrows were furrowed in an almost annoyance.

"Right" Mosley stepped back "I shall go put these on the others shall I then?"

"Very good Mr Mosley" answered Carson.

Mosley left and went in search of the other gentlemen holding the box with care.

Carson again began to pace across his room, pondering, thinking where life had brought him to on this day, this wonderful, exciting and marvelous day. The day he would marry his beloved Mrs Hughes, no no, his Elsie.

He stood still for a moment with his hands clenched behind his back feeling the light of the sun that seeped through his window gently warm his face. When had he fallen in love with the Scottish lass, the housekeeper of this great house and its many secrets? Was it when he told her of Joe Burns? Or when he'd found that she was ill? No perhaps when she had given him the photo of Alice?

Carson almost jumped out of his skin as he remembered the photo of Alice, he had of course removed the photo of her from his desk when he had decided it was time to propose to Mrs Hughes. It wouldn't do to have the photo as a reminder of the past. He quickly walked around to his desk opening the draw and took the frame out and gently removed the photo of Alice placing it in an envelope he had bought a few days before. He sealed the envelope and left it on his desk together with some other mail that Mr Barrow would post for him during his absence.

Again Carson walked around his desk and began his pacing. Alice, he thought, Alice had been his bitter sweet past, a pretty lass who had been the only other woman he had dared to love and that had only ended painfully, it had become an experience that would leave an open wound. It had been the change in him that would force him to focus on his role as butler, to become as dedicated to his profession as any man could. He had sworn to shut out the world of love and companionship forever. Where such foolish dreams were to be carried by others and the companionship of himself was more than sufficient.. until a sweet dove had had the patience to teach him otherwise.

Rumors had run rife for many years about the Butler of Downtown and its housekeeper, Carson chuckled inward at the thought. He had never paid these rumors attention because they were untrue. There had been no love at first sight, no secret rendezvous, and the small talk that they had shared in the late evenings had never transformed into passionate moments stolen behind closed doors. No instead there had been a mutual respect that grew over the years. Mrs Hughes had proved more that once her proficiency as a housekeeper, she had earned the respect of her fellow peers, of the Lord Grantham and his family and above all of the person the man who held it all together, the butler.

And now this fair housekeeper had entered his heart in a way no other had, through her gentle reprimands, through genuine concern for his well being, through actions and words of support, through her patience and through that Scottish brogue filled with determination. Perhaps he had loved her for a long while without even realizing, perhaps he had cared for her a lot longer that she had cared for him but fear had always dominated courage and he often found himself looking at her and then chiding himself for being so silly.

Carson took a deep breath as he reprimanded himself for lingering on the past, it was a waste of time, energy and unnecessary heartache. Rather he focused on what was to come, with Gods good grace he now had the opportunity to spend what was left of life in the company of the woman he most loved and cherished, a woman, a person who he held in the highest of esteem. He Charles Carson would endeavor to love her and respect as was fitting a husband, to support her, care for her and assure that she had all that she desired. To cherish her at his side. To defend her, protect her and be the husband that she knew he could be.

A smile came to his face as he remembered the many people from the village who had approached him with the very best of wishes upon hearing of their impending marriage, he had held his head high as they all commented that there was no finer and respectable woman that could stand by his side as his wife. Yes indeed there was no finer woman than his Elsie, a woman who had no stain of character, who had earned the respect of many, he remembered how Lady Grantham's mother, Mrs Levinson, cast such words of relief whenever she say Mrs Hughes.

A knock on the door pulled Carson out of his thoughts and he turned to find young Andrew leaning in through the doorway.

"We're about to leave Mr Carson, are you ready?"

"Yes thank you Andrew, I shall be out in a moment"

"Right then" Andrew nodded and walked away to tell Mrs Patmore that the groom would be on his way out.

Carson breathed in deeply and patted his inner pocket for the umpteenth time. He looked around his room making sure he had left all in order for Mr Barrow. He tugged at his suit, shifted his tie a little and as he always did walked out of his room with an air of confidence, however this time he held his head held a little higher and a little straighter than normal for he was to marry the housekeeper and she was a woman of standards, great standards.

The end.


End file.
